All He Ever Wanted
by HarrysBoy
Summary: Ron loves Harry more than anything, but thinks his love will never be returned. Ron doesn't want to live alone. Happy ending? Ansty romance. *Next Chapter finally up* (i know it's been way too long, i'm so sorry)
1. The Beginning

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All He Ever Wanted by HarrysBoy

I've reposted this because I've changed a few grammar errors. PLEASE keep reviewing! I'm working on finishing the story but I'm trying to revise for A2 exams as well (English exams for all you non English folk). There will be SLASH and angst in later chapters. If you don't like that please press the back button. If you are repulsed by male/male relationships piss off you're not wanted, learn to accept people. So read and ENJOY.

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry or friends, JK Rowling does.

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Chapter One; The Beginning

It had been a long trip back to the Burrow from the station, but it passed pretty much in silence as no one knew what to say. Well, Molly was still trying to get over Sirius Black being innocent and the twins didn't even know what to say to Ron, who sat seemingly in his own world. Where as they might tease him most of the time, the twins could tell now was most definitely not a good time to badger him. Ron just sat silently in back seat of the cab, staring out into the countryside flowing passed. He wasn't really thinking of anything in particular; his mind was just a jumble of thoughts, with little coherence between them. All he knew was that these thoughts seemed to revolve around his best friend, Harry. He couldn't stop thinking of the pain Harry might be in (the Dursley's wouldn't care) and how he could help him, comfort him. This thinking was beginning to hurt his head. He needed to stop thinking but he couldn't blank out all his thoughts.

***

Ron arrived home after his trip from Hogwarts tired, not physically, but emotionally. He knew deep down, as much as tried to tell himself otherwise, that 9 weeks without Harry would be a nightmare. Not only was time away from Harry hard but also now he felt that he really should comfort Harry, for Harry's sake. No one knows Harry like Ron, and Ron could tell Harry was in pain. Ron hadn't told anyone (well there was no one to tell, seeing as Harry and Hermione were his best friends, and well Hermione might not understand) that he had felt more than just close friendship to Harry, like he felt with Hermione, but well, love. He couldn't handle it all right now, it was a long journey and knowing he wouldn't see Harry for ages just brought him lower and lower. So he did what he always does when he wants to forget, busies himself with something else. Seeing as he needed to unpack anyway, he decided to get on with it right away.

With a small grunt of hello to Percy (who was working on something 'top secret until the Ministry chooses to disclose it', probably another cauldron thickness investigation Ron thought, but Ron wasn't in the mood to wind up Percy), Ron started carrying his things to his bedroom. Even Pigwidgeon was slightly calmer than usual (though he still acted like he was on a high caffeine diet tooting madly, just not as madly as usual), he probably felt the distance between Ron and the rest of the world and decided not to try and cheer him up, which more often that not wound Ron up anyway.

***

Once all his things were in his room and unpacked, Ron sat down trying to keep a blank mind, but he couldn't. Now he couldn't stop feeling guilty, because nothing happened to Ron, he didn't see Cedric die or have to face the sight of his dead parents, so why should he feel sorry for himself? That's just selfish. Well, he did know why he was in so much pain. The pain wasn't going to go away. But he just couldn't think about it now. He had to find something else to do.

So Ron decided to have a shower and get cleaned up. He couldn't explain why but the shower made him feel worse. Maybe because every time he touched his face or his arms he imagined just lightly touching Harry. Just the smooth, warm feeling of skin. Not in a sexual way, well he is 15 and he does get urges, but with Harry it's completely different. He just wants feel the closeness of someone, the warmth of another body, the love of someone, but not someone, Harry. He wants to feel the completeness that he hasn't felt, only Harry can do this. Without Harry maybe he'll never be complete, making life nothing but a cold, dark and lonely abyss.

Ron hadn't eaten in hours and now he started to feel slightly hungry, but didn't really have the energy or will power to get something to eat. But Mrs Weasley kept calling him for dinner, complaining that 'Starving yourself won't do you or Harry any good. He's going to need you for some strength', 'As if I didn't know that!' Ron thought, slouching down the stairs to join the rest of the Weasley family, minus Mr Weasley who at the moment had to pull a lot of hours because of the rumoured rise of Voldemort.

***

Dinner passed in relative silence, even Percy didn't make impolite conversation about his 'high importance' at the Ministry, especially when siding with Mr Crouch earlier in the year. Mr Crouch's mistake in the end led to Voldemort's rise; though Percy did say Mr Crouch was only human and did a noble thing risking his career in order to save his son. But when Fred mentioned the outcome being the 'rise of You-Know-Who!' Percy shut up, quickly.

Ron couldn't really tune into the world yet, the whole conversation when right over his head. As hungry as he was, he couldn't really eat. He didn't have the motivation to shovel food into his mouth. Instead he just played absent-mindedly with a piece of sweet corn, still thinking about Harry, wondering if he's crying right now, if he needs help, if he needs him. He had to get out of here. He had to be alone, alone to think. So Ron got up, grabbed his jacket and headed out the door. Mrs Weasley didn't say anything, she knew her son would need his time alone, although she didn't know completely why. No one did.

***

Ron walked straight out into the fields surrounding the Burrow. Completely losing track of time, Ron found himself at the brow of a small hill. Here stood a small tree that caught his eye. He couldn't immediately say why, but this tree seemed so special as though he had seen it before. He had seen it before, he remembered. Maybe not the same tree, but similar, in his dreams. He often thought of running wild with Harry into the countryside, without a care in the world, waiting until the time was right to tell Harry how he felt about him. He imagined that they always ended up collapsing under this tree. That's when he would confide in Harry, declaring his love, to which Harry would respond with a simple kiss. A gentle, sweet and passionate kiss, in an embrace that Ron would be contented to stay in for eternity. But Ron was under that tree, only he was all alone. The air was cool, with only a gentle summer breeze blowing, giving Ron small goose pimples along his neck. The sky was cloudless, all the stars could be seen out, with the bright moon illuminating the ground before him. He collapsed under the tree, onto the soft mossy grass that seemed made for people to sit on. He could feel a once strange sensation drift from his chest to his arms, his legs and up to his head. He could again, as countless times before, feel the tears building up inside, until the urge to cry was too strong to hold back. Ron sat there with his legs folded and his head in his lap, crying over all that he wanted and thought he could never have.

Ron thought back to where it all began, when he first started to realise all these feelings he had inside. Well it started just before they were all going to begin their forth year at Hogwarts…


	2. Memories

Hi all. Sorry if you've been waiting for me to finish this, but it's still going. It's got a little longer than I planned and there is quite a way to go. Reviews really help me to get going and to continue the story. I know the structure of the story, and there will be slash later in the story. Harry's POV is on the way so don't think I'm neglecting him- he's my favourite character! It's gonna be kinda fluffy, and really angsty, hey I love that stuff.

Anyway please review-and most importantly ENJOY!

If you wanna archive please email me with URL. Cheers

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or associates, all are property of JK Rowling.

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Chapter 2; Memories

Thinking back now after all these months, Ron could remember when his love was really beginning to dawn on him. Really it all began last summer, the summer when they went to the Quidditch World Cup final…

It was a sunny Thursday afternoon and Ron lay in the shade of a large oak tree at the bottom of their considerable garden. Its strong branches barely moving in the gentle breeze that cooled the hot day. He was dreamily staring into the field that surrounded the Burrow. School was weeks away, so homework wasn't even under consideration. Instead he sat there just watching the world pass by. He'd been doing this all summer because, well, as much as he didn't want to admit it there wasn't really a lot for him to do at the Burrow (though Mrs Weasley kept offering him to de-gnome the garden, which wasn't really an offer anyway). He was thinking about all the fun that he could be having now if Harry was here. Running around into the woods, playing quidditch, chess and even just talking. Ron supposed that he was just lonely, missing Harry's friendship. Fred and George were usually in their room and didn't want to be disturbed. Well he had Pigwidgeon, but Pig just got on his nerves. So he sat in the garden thinking, which he began to notice was quite tiring. He'd owled Harry a few times, but Harry couldn't always reply quickly so he hadn't really heard that much from him. Mrs Weasley said Harry could stay at the Burrow later in the holiday and this was all Ron could look forward to. Surprisingly he wasn't really that much happier when he heard Hermione could stay too, though it did bring a small smile to his face. He supposed it was just that he knew the first thing Hermione would do was to get them all to do their homework, which he most certainly was not looking forward to. Just as he was thinking this he heard his mum's shouting from the house and knew what it would be.

Penelope Clearwater was coming round for dinner tonight, and Percy was spending an enormous amount of time in the bathroom, making sure that he looked perfect. Fred and George, wanting to drive Percy as far as possible up the wall, had been teasing him day. Ron had joined in earlier, but it got boring after a while. Percy had entered the garden with Fred and George in tow harassing him, and this was beginning to annoy not just Percy but also Mrs Weasley, leading to her shouting. Ron heard Percy shout 'well I don't see either of you with a girlfriend!' and this seemed to dissuade the twins as they turned and headed into the house, much to the relief of Mrs Weasley. This kind of got Ron thinking, as he didn't have a girlfriend either. But he really didn't care. He heard Seamus talking all the time about what he'd like to do to every good-looking girl they'd see, but Ron never really felt like that. He didn't really think it was strange anyway. Not all the boys he knew talked only about sex and girls, and he just thought maybe he just wasn't interested in any of the girls he'd me so far. Besides, he thought, he was never happier than when he was having fun with Harry. Harry was funny, caring and always up for an adventure so he didn't have any reason to find a girlfriend. They'd been through so much together over the past three years, so much pain, mostly on Harry's part, but this brought them together. They would comfort each other, and Harry was always ready to listen. Ron knew that all they hardship that they, oh and Hermione, had been through gave the three of them a very close bond, and they would be friends forever. Ron was slightly puzzled as to why he felt closer to Harry, but decided that it was just that the two of them spent more time together.

Feeling glad that he had Harry and Hermione and that he wasn't really bothered that he didn't have a girlfriend, Ron was happy just top watch the world flow past. He spent quite a lot of the rest of the day watching the birds fly into and around the trees. He liked watching the creatures moving in their own little world, completely oblivious to the rest of the world. He often thought how insignificant he was, how he had no importance in the universe. This didn't really make him feel bad, just more humble. He lay there for the rest of the day, eventually drifting into a light doze.

***

A few hours later Percy woke him, looking quite annoyed really. While Ron was trying to wipe the sleep from his eyes he could hear Percy talking.

'Why are you down here now! You know Penelope is coming round, she'll be here in an hour! Mum said that we were going to make a good impression, so go get cleaned up and put some nice clothes on.' He said in a rather fatherly manner.

'Okay, okay. Don't have kittens! I'll go and put on those muddy clothes I wore playing quidditch yesterday.' Ron replied, getting a stern expression from Percy.

'Just kidding, god! Leave me alone Perce. I'll get ready in a moment'

'No you won't, you'll get ready now.'

'Fine. Leave me alone.'

Ron, very annoyed for being woken in the middle of a dream in which he and Harry were playing quidditch for England (which they won by especially great teamwork between them) made his way back to the Burrow to have a shower and get changed.

***

Dinner passed relatively quickly. Penelope only said hello to Ron, the rest of the conversation around the dinner table was between Mrs Weasley, Percy and Penelope. Even Fred and George were quiet, probably because Mrs Weasley took all of their inventions and they didn't want to rock the boat, especially with the looks she kept giving them through dinner. They were very annoyed about losing all their stuff, but intended to restart production as soon as possible. Mr Weasley wasn't at dinner, but he said it was because he had to organise a surprise, so no one was worried. Ron ate his especially delightful dinner, Mrs Weasley had gone to extra trouble to make dinner perfect, and left the table saying goodbye to Penelope.

For his birthday he had received a telescope, which he got when he returned from Hogwarts as a late present. Mrs Weasley didn't want to send it in case it was damaged en-route. Ron went up to his room, grabbed the telescope and went outside. The night air was pretty cool, so he had to wear a jumper. The sky was like a blanket of black covered in shiny diamonds. The stars were all out, and the moon was especially bright. Not a single cloud obscured his view. He spent that night, before going to bed, looking at the Moon and Mars, something that he knew Professor Trelawney would be most impressed with. Though in her lessons he wouldn't admit that he really did enjoy studying the night sky.

***

Just as Ron was returning to his room, Mr Weasley apparated into the living room, looking quite pleased with himself. He had just returned from the Leaky Cauldron, which Mrs Weasley noticed and promptly spoke to him.

'I've told you about drinking and apparating' she said in a somewhat severe tone, 

'You know the number of accidents occurring, what with people, and not always all of that person, apparating into the middle of lakes and god knows where!' Mr Weasley sheepishly looked at the floor until Mrs Weasley told him to tell everyone what the surprise was.

'Well,' Mr Weasley started (finally) 

'the reason I was late was because I had to see Ludo Bagman, you've all heard of him right? Well he's organised us the best seats for the Quidditch World Cup final!'

'YES! YES! YES!' Ron suddenly shouted out, drowning the rest of what Mr Weasley had to say. Ron was mad with excitement, thinking about getting to actually see Victor Krum, he knew the final was Ireland verses Bulgaria and so Bulgaria's prize seeker would definitely be playing. Krum was Ron's favourite quidditch player and Ron would have given anything to get his autograph. But very quickly Ron's thoughts turned to Harry, his best friend Harry. As if Mr Weasley could read minds, his next sentence (after the drown out sentence) was

'Yes, I got Harry and Hermione tickets.'

'Wicked. This'll be so cool. I've gotta go owl Harry right now. And Hermione.' And with that Ron flew up the stairs for a piece of parchment, still whooping. Mrs Weasley tried to say that she would send a letter by muggle post first, but Ron was gone before she could finish her sentence.

***

That night Ron lay awake, unable to sleep for sheer excitement. He lay thinking about how he was going to see Harry again, after all these weeks. He couldn't wait to see Harry. He spent all night thinking about the fun that the three of them would have before he slowly drifted into a contented sleep in the early hours of the morning. 

In retrospect, Ron realised this was when his love for Harry was first becoming apparent. When he couldn't go a single day without wanting to spend time with his friend. Without wanting to simply sit and talk, or even just sit in silence, happy that as close a friend as any was sitting beside him. His whole life seemed to revolve around Harry. But still he passed it off as close friendship; the realisation of love didn't come until Halloween…


	3. Unrequited Love?

Hi all, I'm sorry this is taking so long, its just you know problems and stuff. I hope you're enjoying the story. Sorry Ron won't be pregnant! Please review, your support means a lot. Sorry this chapter is so short.

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Chapter 3: Unrequited Love?

Meanwhile over at Number 4 Privet Drive, Harry lay awake in bed staring at the ceiling. His cheeks were slightly red with clear streaks where tears were slowly drying. The past two weeks had been terrible; Cedric dying, seeing his parents, Voldemort rising and all the emotions that came with the events. It would be immense for anyone to experience, let alone a 15-year-old boy.

Harry hadn't really cried much at Hogwarts, it wasn't so much that he wanted to appear brave but that he was just numb from all that he had been through. But since arriving back to the Dursley's, Harry felt more isolated than ever. The past 3 summers were lonely, especially seeing as Harry knew what he was missing, but he knew he would see his friends soon. This summer was going to be different though. Harry liked to be in the presence of his friends, especially Hermione and Ron. They never asked what happened or for details, but were always there to comfort him. Like during the last week before the holidays, Harry had woken up (after taking hours to get to sleep) screaming in a cold sweat. He had been reliving the events of the Triwizard Cup final, as had been every night since. He felt cold, scared and alone. Ron had woken with Harry, he had slept lightly the past few days- always wanting to be there if Harry needed him. Ron walked over to Harry's bed and pulled the curtains away to reveal Harry in a tight ball crying. Ron sat by Harry and held him in a tight embrace. Hours seemed to pass, as Ron just held him not asking any questions. This made Harry cry more as he knew he had someone who could make him feel better, without saying a single word. But now, alone in his room, he had no one. Not only this, but he also felt unsafe. Voldemort had risen and was ready to kill him. His luck had lasted this long, but Harry knew it wouldn't last forever. But the most painful thing was seeing his parents again. Hearing their voices, but not being able to tell them all he wanted.

***

Hours seemed to pass, as Harry lay in his room, lightly sobbing when the emotions overwhelmed him. Only Hedwig's gentle cooing broke the silence. Harry slowly drifted away, gliding to an uneasy sleep.

Again the nightmares came…

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'Kill the spare'…

'Avada Kedevara'

Only this time the nightmares weren't like they had been.

__

Ron's open blue eyes, haunting his soul, as his body lay lifeless on the ground.

Voldemort's evil, piercing laugh.

His parents emerging from Voldemort's wand.

The fear, sheer unadulterated terror again surged through Harry's sleeping body. He woke with a scream, sheets soaked in cold sweat. His scar on his forehead was searing with pain. He took a minute to regain his bearings, listening carefully to see if he woke the Dursley's. Thankfully they were still sleeping, probably because they were used to Mr Dursley's chainsaw-like snoring. 

Harry knew the nightmare was different this time. The pain in his scar that usually meant that Voldemort was going to do something very evil, although some of his nightmares did make his scar feel like it was burning none were this painful. In the past the nightmares were exactly like the real events. Harry was sure this meant something, and seeing how his dreams had predicted things before, he feared that this may mean Voldemort would kill Ron. Again fear rushed through Harry's body. He couldn't lose Ron, the one person that could hold him and ease the pain. Without Ron the past four years would have been hell, no one, not even Hermione, could replace Ron. 

These thoughts haunted Harry through the night. He had to owl Sirius and Dumbledore, asking if they knew what it meant. Hopefully they could protect Ron, at least warn the Weasleys. He thought he'd better do it now, the few hours until daytime might be too long. Harry quickly got up, making sure to make as little noise as possible, and took a quill and piece of parchment from his wardrobe.

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Dear Sirius,

I had another nightmare. But this one was worse than the others were. My scar really hurt. But even scarier was that I didn't see Cedric die, I saw Ron. You have to protect him. Please, I don't know if he's in danger but I'm really scared. I, I don't know if I could survive this without him.

Love Harry.

PS say hi to Beaky.

He knew Sirius would do something, but he was on the run so Dumbledore would have to be owled. On another piece of parchment Harry began to scribble a short note to the headmaster.

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Dear Professor Dumbledore,

I know we've just left, but I had a nightmare worse than the ones I had at Hogwarts. My scar was hurting more and I saw Ron dying instead of Cedric. Please make sure Ron is safe, and tell me if you think that he may be in danger.

Harry

Harry quickly rolled up the messages and walked over to Hedwig, who was sitting on the windowsill. He attached the messages to Hedwig. She pecked at his ear affectionately and flew out of the window, knowing exactly where to go. If anyone could find Sirius it would be Hedwig.

Now all Harry could do was wait and try to get some sleep. He couldn't get to sleep very quickly, but after a couple of hours he drifted away again.


	4. Numb

Well here it is the next chapter. I know its been ages, but I'm working on something else right now (which I'm not gonna publish until its finished).

The last chapter was crap and I'm trying to think how to change it. Writing it was a drunken accident where I went on a complete tangent to the story. 

This chapter keeps annoying me. Every time I try to rewrite it, it ends up worse or just as bad. Any suggestions?? Please give me some feedback and review. Please!

Chapter 4: Numb

In the days since Harry had written to Dumbledore, his nightmares hadn't got worse, but they hadn't got better either. The replies Harry had received had reassured him a bit. Both had said that they would warn the Weasleys and that they would look after them. The Burrow had had powerful magic placed around it to protect the Weasleys and both Sirius and Dumbledore felt they were safe. Dumbledore also brought some other news. Since Voldemort's rise involved using Harry's blood, Dumbledore felt unsure of Harry's safety at the Dursleys' and felt Harry would be safer at the Burrow where everyone could keep an eye on him. This angered Harry as he felt he wasn't just a puppy, but then again he would get to spend time away from Dudley (who was avoiding him anyway since he could swear he saw fire coming from Harry's eyes last time he tried to hit him) as well as getting to spend some time with Ron. Charlie and Bill were home to help protect the family, as well as some special agents from the Ministry, so the Burrow would be absolutely safe. Sirius also said he would pop over from time to time, all be it in dog form, which cheered up Harry, a bit. He would be picked up in 2 days by some Ministry cars, and Harry knew these would be a long 2 days.

***

Meanwhile, over at the Burrow, Ron had become increasingly distant from everyone else. He hadn't joined in on the party when Bill and Charlie came home, he rarely ate with the rest of the family and spent most of his time in his room or the surrounding fields. While everyone tried to help him, they're attempts were fruitless mainly because they didn't know what was wrong. They all thought that Ron got a shock when Harry could have died, they had no idea that Ron was _in love_ with Harry. 

Ron spent his days staring into the countryside, ignoring the world spinning around him. All he could think of was Harry. He couldn't explain it, but the loneliness he felt inside was killing him. It was like there was no point in him going on each day, only to realise Harry wouldn't hold him in his arms. He knew it sounded way too teen-angsty, but Ron couldn't stop thinking about what the meaning of his life was, what the point of it all was. Part of Ron was thinking that he should just get over it and that he was a bit of a loser for wallowing in self pity, but a bigger part of him thought if the rest of his life would be like this then there really wasn't much point in living the next hundred and fifty odd years only to end up dead anyway. It seems like such a small thing that wouldn't really take much time to think about, but Harry dominated Ron's thoughts and not a minute would go by were Ron didn't want to hold Harry in his arms. The loneliness was all Ron had to comfort him, and he felt as if it was drawing him closer. He no longer had happiness, just sadness. He felt numb, emotions seemed blind to him and it wasn't long before he couldn't feel the sadness. He felt nothing. Devoid of emotion.

Ron still wrote to Harry, deep down he knew Harry needed his support and he couldn't let his problems get in the way of Harry's recovery. His messages became shorter though, and never mentioned what he had been doing. Harry wrote back promptly and was beginning to open his emotions up to Ron. Harry's notes were often long and even sometimes made Ron cry for the pain Harry was feeling. All Ron wanted to do was kiss away the pain. He felt useless just reading the notes, but to Harry Ron listening was more than he ever had (or could wish for). Thanks to Ron listening, Harry began to feel better, so much so that he felt he could face the return of the school in September. Throughout their writing, Harry never mentioned his nightmares and made sure Ron wouldn't find out by writing to Mr Weasley. Harry feared that Ron might freak out and in some way blame him for creating danger around his family (which of course he wouldn't). Ron had noticed the increased security around the Burrow, but thought it was mainly to protect his father. He'd even noticed the Ministry officer who tried to subtly follow him on his walks into the countryside.

Harry also made sure that Ron wouldn't know he was coming. Harry wanted to surprise him and just turn up, so neither Mr nor Mrs Weasley told any of the children, just in case one of them let it sip.

***

The day before Harry was due, Ron was in his worse state yet. Everything had got to him and he really didn't know why he'd keep going on every day. Thoughts of inadequacy plagued his mind as he sat up in his bed; 

'I'm nothing special like the rest of my family, and no one ever wanted me as anything special, I'm never a _someone_ just a nobody. But Harry, wow, no there was someone extraordinary. He was so beautiful, the way he could smile and make anyone feel unique, even me' thought Ron. 'The way Harry was willing to die for love and what was right. I mean it's enough to make anyone fall in love with him. If only he could love me' mused Ron.

Ron couldn't stand this; he had to get out in the open air, alone. He slipped out the backdoor and made his way to the fields. The officer assigned to protect him noticed and followed. Ron managed to give him the slip by one of the oil seed rape fields, because the plants were tall enough to hide behind. Careful not to give his position away, he slowly made his way to one of his favourite spots, the one he had founded on the day he arrived back from Hogwarts. It was a tree, about 10 metres tall, that sat at the top of a small hill over looking the fields. This spot was perfect for seeing the sunset, but that was a few hours away still. The large branches of the tree gave Ron shelter from the midday sun. Here he could sit forever, letting the world pass him by as he always did. 

He was numb, even the pain he was feeling seemed to disappear. He got this feeling all the time, well lack of feeling. He hated it, indifference, not feeling anything. He pulled the penknife he had been given for his birthday out of his pocket. He'd heard that some depressed people cut themselves, and never understood why. He thought that seeing as he couldn't feel anything else, he might as well try it. Feeling pain would be better than feeling nothing. At least he could tell if he was still alive. He pulled up the sleeve of is long-sleeved T-shirt, revealing his arm. Thoughts were racing through his mind. 'Why do people actually do this? I suppose I know why I want to, because I hate my body. I hate everything about it. The way I look, the way I'm so stupid and a nobody. I hate myself. Maybe this way I can punish my body for all the hate it's given me.' He stared at the blade for a few minutes, admiring its power. 'This small blade could tear through my flesh, ending all my pain.' He'd thought this a lot, and couldn't really understand why he stayed in this existence, a place where he'd never amount to anything. Somewhere he'd always be a disappointment. He slowly dragged the knife over his arm and yelped lightly. 'That fucking hurt' he thought. But he really felt it, the pain. He watched the blood slowly pooling on his arm in awe, 'This liquid is the source of my life.' It felt as if finally he had some power in his life. Like someone who had just had his or her first drag of a cigarette, and coughed, hating the smell and taste, but who was for some reason compelled to take another drag, Ron was drawn to cutting himself again. This time the pain was different. Not like when he'd cut himself by accident, no, it was good. It was as if it would give him a buzz that would spread from his arm to his chest, then out to his legs. He liked this mixture of anger at himself, and pain from the cuts. It seemed to drown the emptiness he felt inside. But it didn't last. Each cut would make him feel happy for only minute, then it would be over and he would be back in this world. Alone. 

Hours passed and Ron cut himself a few more times, savouring each moment as long as possible. Most of the time he sat there he played with the blood on his arm and watched it dry. The sun was setting now, and the sky was a brilliant red that shaded into blue. 'It's beautiful, but worthless without someone to share it with' he thought.

Ron wiped his arm with a tissue, to make sure no blood was still wet, and rolled down his sleeve. The last thing he wanted was anyone to know. He'd heard that the people who cut themselves do it for attention, he though differently, 'I'm definitely not one of them. I'm doing this 'cause I like the way it feels. I don't need sympathy and I don't want attention.' Slowly he made his way back to the Burrow in the last of the day's sunlight.

A/N: sorry if it's really Ron based, but I can relate to Ron but not Harry, so I kinda lean more to saying how he feels.


	5. Harry's Arrival

Well here it is, the next chapter. I just want to say thank you to all of you who reviewed, it feels good to know someone actually likes something I've written, it makes me really happy (well as happy as I can get) to read reviews. Thanks a lot. And Villain, thanks for looking through all my stuff, as well as the rest of you. I'll say a longer thank you in my next chapter.

I'm sorry it's been taking me so long between updates, I know what it's like. It's damn irritating because you can't really get into a story. Sorry again. I'll try and update more regularly.

One last thing, go to www.mp3.com and check out Her Sunday Best, there's this song called 'Last Night an End' and it is really, really good. I don't know the band so I have no ulterior motive for getting you to listen to it, other than it's a great song.

Anyway I hope you enjoy the story, sorry if this chapter's a bit short.

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Chapter Five: Harry's Arrival

That night had been sleepless for Ron. As soon as he got home he went straight upstairs to his room. Mrs Weasley offered him some food, but he declined. He really couldn't stomach anything at the moment. As soon as he got to his room, he grabbed a towel and headed to the bathroom. He started to fill the bath, and as it was filling he stared in the mirror. He really did hate himself. 'Why the hell am I like this. I can't get anything right. I'm not funny like the twins, or smart like Percy or cool like Charlie or good-looking like Bill. I'm just, nothing.' Ron ran his hand down his arm, slowly feeling along each cut. Slowly examining each and every edge. Anger started to grow in him. Anger against his body and all its imperfections. He forced cuts open, breaking the scabs that formed. He needed to feel pain, feel the punishment his body deserved. Once the bath was full, he eased his now thinning body into the hot water. It's amazing how fast you can lose weight when you eat very little. None of his family had realised yet because Ron had managed to keep up the illusion he was eating by taking food to his room. Ron barely noticed either. As he lowered his arm under the water, pain flowed through him as the water touched the open cuts. 'Fuck. I deserve this.' More of these thoughts flooded his mind as he lay down in the bath. His mind was completely confused, all his thoughts were a jumble and he could form any coherence between them. He just lay there for an hour, trying to sort out the mess that was his mind.

Eventually Ron dragged himself out of the bath, dried himself and headed to his room. He had so much on his mind, but he could talk to anyone about it. This really hurt. The only person he could trust in the world, without question or hesitation, was the _boy_ he was in love with. What a mess. He needed to get this off his chest, so he decided to start a diary so that he could pour out all he had to say. He had an old black book, full of blank pages with his initials engraved in gold, which was given to him as a present when he started Hogwarts. His mother thought it would be nice if he kept a diary so he could look on events when he was older. At the time, Ron thought this was a load of rubbish, so the book was relegated to a rarely opened drawer in his room. Now, Ron thought, would a perfect time top start using it. He opened the book, releasing a sort of musky smell that seemed to ooze age. This book was apparently quite old. He left the first couple of pages blank, in case he wanted to make an introduction or something, in the future. For now all he wanted to do was pour out his heart.

Ron was writing long into the night, taking a long time thinking about everything he wrote. Once he finished, he had time to look over the pages of writing. An indescribable feeling spread over him. A mixture of fear, anger, longing and pain. Tears began to well up in his eyes, and as much as he tried to fight it, he had to let them out because he couldn't hold them in any longer. Slowly, but eventually, Ron drifted to a restless sleep.

***

Ron was woken up the next morning by a loud commotion downstairs. Judging by the light getting into the room it was late morning or even early afternoon. Ron couldn't get back to sleep, as much as he wanted to. So he slowly dragged himself out of bed and got dressed. After going to the bathroom to sort himself out, he made his way downstairs to see what all the excitement was about. Once he made it into the kitchen he saw what it was all about. With a look of fear and happiness mixed he ran over to Harry and grabbed him in a firm embrace. "What are you doing here?! Why didn't you tell me you were coming?" he asked, still somewhat dazed.

"Well I thought I'd just drop by, see how my best mate's doing, seeing as how I was in the area. Nah, not really. Dumbledore wrote and said I should spend the rest of the summer with your family because it might be safer. Sorry I didn't tell you, I just wanted it to be a surprise. I had to make your dad promise not to say anything." replied a sparkling Harry rather sheepishly.

Ron seemed to lose is voice temporarily. He was lost in Harry's beauty. His gorgeous and soft skin. His exquisite black hair. His radiant green eyes, shining in the morning light. 'Oh fuck he's perfect. I just want to lean in and hold him forever. I don't want anything else in life.' brooded Ron as he stared at that flawless face.

"Ron! Are you alright?" asked Harry.

"Oh. What?" replied Ron as he came to senses, realising what he had been doing.

"You looked pretty dazed there. Were you on another planet or something?"

"Ha ha. No, I just woke up so I'm still tired." lied Ron, he was on another planet - one where Harry loved him back. "So you wanna come upstairs and put your stuff away? Have you eaten yet? Bet the Dursley's have been starving you again."

"Yes, no and yes. Dudley's still on his diet, so it's been salads and fruit."

"Here let me take your stuff." offered Ron as he single-handedly grabbed all of Harry's belongings.

"Wow, it's ok I can carry some stuff!"

Ron blushed, said sorry and passed some of Harry's stuff back to him.

"It's ok, no need to apologise. Thanks anyway but I hate feeling feeble."

The two boys made their way up to Ron's room. Ron's mind was a hive of thoughts. He was excited and kind of fulfilled to be with Harry again, but then again he wasn't with Harry. He couldn't hold him and tell him how much he meant to him. He couldn't cry away is fears to him. He was trapped. He knew the rest of the holiday would be difficult, being but not being with Harry.


	6. Mixed Emotions

Okay here's the next chapter. Fear not Harry will have a greater part in the next chapter. Sorry if you think this chapter is a bit short, but the next chapter wouldn't fit if I continued.

Thank you soo much to everyone who has reviewed. You've lightened up my days. Thank you Tyler for actually believing I have talent.

****

Chapter Six: Mixed Emotions

After Harry had placed all his things in Ron's room, which took a while because Hedwig refused to be anywhere near Pigwidgeon, they made their way downstairs to the kitchen. Mrs Weasley had left shortly after Harry arrived, and Mr Weasley and Percy were at work (as they often were in these unsettled times). The twins and Ginny were in their rooms, and Charlie and Bill were outside with the ministry agents. This left just Harry and Ron in the kitchen.

"So what you wanna eat then? Anything, just ask."

"Hmm…" Harry spent a few minutes thinking and a small grin appeared on his face, but only momentarily. "Got any eggs? I'll have an omelette if that's ok."

"Yup, of course." Ron replied, gathering together ingredients.

As Ron began, what looked like cooking, it was clearly apparent who did all the work in the kitchen, and it most certainly was not Ron. Harry sat there smiling at how inept Ron was at cooking. Ron, on the other hand, was deep in concentration. 'I've got to do this well. How's it gonna look if I can't even cook!' he thought, while (attempting) to chop up some ham into nice squares. Harry, seeing this, got up and went to show Ron how it's done. 

"Oh no. Sit down Harry you must be shattered. Let me do this." appealed Ron, as Harry took hold of the knife. When Harry's hand touched Ron's it was though lightning had just hit, as the shiver went down Ron's back. This made Ron retract his hand, quickly. He didn't want Harry to think that he was touching him in a more than friendly way. Harry, however, didn't make anything of the passing contact, as it wasn't exactly a rare thing. People touch each other all the time without noticing. Ron gave up, and resigned himself to watching Harry at work.

"Harry please, I can't let you work when you're this tired." asked Ron, a little pleadingly.

"It's ok Ron. I used to do all the breakfasts at the Dursley's, before Dudley went on his diet, so it's no biggie. Do you want some too? You look as though you need it." replied Harry, happily enough cooking.

"Oh Harry, you're not at the Dursley's and I don't want you to feel as though you are. I just want you to relax and forget them." Responded Ron, with a clear sound of concern on his voice (as well as a little despair).

"Look, it really is ok. I actually enjoy this. It's really relaxing, I'll teach you sometime, if you want."

"Ok then, if you're sure you WANT to do it." surrendered Ron, with a large emphasis on the want. Ron let out a small sigh and went and sat at the table. Time seemed to flow in slow motion for a minute, as he looked up at Harry. The soft sunlight shone through the kitchen window, illuminating Harry's beautiful features. His eyes, sparkling a radiant green. The warm, happy smile on his face heating the whole room, and touching Ron's heart in a way words cannot possibly describe. 'I feel really lost. I'm being torn apart. On the one hand I'm so happy just to be in his presence, I mean we have a laugh and muck about. I feel so alive whenever he's around me. But then I have this aching in my heart. This deep, searing pain inside. I just feel so alone, even when there are so many people around me. I just want to share my soul with someone. To open up all I have to say. I need release. I wish things were easier, or I could turn off the pain. Better still I wish I didn't think this way. I wish I were like everyone else my age, more interested in sex than a true emotional bond. I, I just wish.' Time seemed to speed up again, as Ron was jolted from his thoughts. He seemed to regain himself this time, after realising what he had been doing, again.

"So do you want some or not?" invited Harry, looking straight into Ron's eyes. This caught Ron off guard as he saw the innocence and happiness in those loving eyes.

"No thanks. I ate earlier." he lied again, for Harry's sake obviously (he told himself), because he didn't want to say that he'd lost his appetite as this would bring up questions as to why.

"Ok then." responded Harry as he sat down at the table with Ron, who promptly stood up and began to clean the pan. "It's cool Ron, I'll do the washing up, seeing as I made the mess."

"Nah, it's fine mate. So anyway what you wanna do later then?"

The two boys had a long conversation about everything from quidditch to Fred and George's latest inventions. By the end of which Harry realised how tired he was after all. He decided to go up to Ron's room and sleep for a bit, while Ron decided to read a book.

Once Harry was upstairs and the kitchen was clean, Ron headed outside with his book.

***

Ron started walking out into the fields. One of the ministry agents tried (unsuccessfully) to be subtle in following him. Ron decided to let the agent follow him because he knew that his parents would have a go if they knew he was shaking off the agent on purpose, especially after the lecture when the agents first arrived about the "being here for your own safety". He realised he'd only be able to get away once a week, if that, before everyone became suspicious. He decided to walk somewhere else, not his special spot, because no one could know about that place. It was his one place he could always escape too without anyone knowing where he was.

Ron sat under a small oak tree, shaded from the afternoon sun. His head was buzzing. It felt as though he was thinking a million things all at once. Harry, loneliness, the future, everything. 'Why does it have to be so complicated? I just want this all to go away. To stop caring, to let everything drift away. No. I want Harry. I want to be happy, to feel love. To… But this isn't going to happen. I have to get over it. I can't. Love, true love, never ends. Even if it is unrequited. I just don't get it. When I see Harry I'm so happy, yet so sad, so pained. I can't tell anymore, what I feel. If I even feel anything anymore. If I even want to feel anything, or if I just want it all to end.' Blood pulsate in his head. It felt as though it would explode. 'I know this is stupid, I'm only 15. But I know this is real. Age as nothing to do with it. I just want to stop wallowing in self-pity but I just can't. I wish I, I don't know what I wish. I want to feel pain, deep physical pain. I want to punish myself.' Ron sat there wishing he could cut himself. Just one more time. But he knew he couldn't let the agent see, his parents would find out and he'd never get the chance to do it again. He sat there for hours, staring into the sky, thinking but not really thinking. His thoughts just ran through his mind without any real control. If he could have Harry, if he would ever be happy, if he had to give up before it got worse. Questions just kept coming. He was fighting to keep the tears back, but he couldn't hold them all back. A lone tear trickled down his cheek, glistening under the sun. The ministry agent just sat and watched, as Ron appeared to be reading his book. 

***

Night started to set in, as the sun slowly faded away in the distance. Ron stood up, wiping the lone tears from his face, and headed back to the Burrow. After all he didn't want Harry to wake alone, just in case he had a nightmare.


	7. Reflecting

Well, here it is. I'm sorry it's taken so long (if you care). I've had exams, for which I need to get the grades for university for. It's a stressful and hectic time and I don't have time for much really. On top of this I can't seem to get in the mood for writing, oh and I've just spent 4 and a half weeks in Africa and getting time to type on a computer was, hmm difficult. Anyway this chapter is the longest yet; enjoy it (I hope!) and YAY I've passed the 10,000 words mark! The next chapter should be posted sometime soon. Umm, I just thought I'd say I've been thinking a lot about this story, I have the whole story in my head but there's going to be some changes as Hermione joins the scene. I can't say it's going to have a happy ending, it might do. I can't say. Chapter Seven: Reflecting 

Harry woke suddenly. Sweat soaked both him and his sheets. The nightmares still came. Vivid as ever. Voldemort, Harry, Ron's dead body. His scar hurt badly. It felt like it was burning through his head. The pain was clouding his vision, making it difficult to even find his glasses on the bedside cabinet. Once he put his glasses on, the world took a few minutes to come back properly into focus. Harry stared out of the window in an effort to recover his grasp of reality. Outside, the sun was disappearing and night setting in. There was no way Harry would be able to get back to sleep, not now. Not with the thought of losing Ron playing on his mind. He sat there breathing deeply, trying to calm down. The dreams had been getting more lucid. They now tended to focus on Ron. Still though, Harry could tell there was something hidden in the dreams, something he couldn't see. Occasionally others of his friends would be part of his dreams, but they never seemed to stay and were rarely hurt. Harry really couldn't decipher the dreams. He just had no idea what they meant. Was Voldemort going to attack? Were the nightmares nothing to do with Ron, and were even more cryptic? 

'I just wish I knew how to make them stop. I hope they're nothing to do with Ron. I couldn't handle losing him. He was the only one to know me, not for my "legend" but for who I am. He's always been there for me, he's the reason I haven't crawled in a hole a withered away since the Triwizard Cup. I would do anything for him, as I know he would for me. I couldn't live if it is my fault that his family may be in danger.' 

Unable to get back to sleep, and not wanting to spend the evening thinking on things he "couldn't change" as Ron put it, Harry made his way downstairs to see what everyone else was up to. He got up and go dressed, and slowly headed to the kitchen. Just as Harry made it to the stairs, Ron nearly walked straight into him. 

"Oh sorry Harry, didn't see you there. I expected you to still be in bed. Are you alright, you look a bit uneasy?" said Ron, as he tried to subtly wipe away any rogue tears he may have missed.

"Yeah, I'm ok, but I had another nightmare. What about you, have been crying? Tell me, is anything wrong? Honestly Ron, I've managed to open up to you and tell you everything; I never thought I'd be able to truly tell anyone how I felt. You've really been there for me. If anything's up let me be there for you." replied Harry, with concern for Ron written in his expression. This made Ron's heart ache, tears started to build up in his eyes as he realised that Harry really did care about him, just not to the level Ron _loved_ him.

"Oh Harry, you're my best mate. I'd do anything for you. I'm glad I could be there for you. What's the use of a best friend you can't tell anything to? I wish I could do more than just listen, it hurts me to see you in such pain. If there's anything you ever wanna say, I'm always here to listen." said Ron, holding in any tears that were trying to work their way out. "Oh and it's ok, it's only hay fever." he added, lying. 'I wish I didn't have to lie to him. It make things worse. I wish I was a honest as him.'

"I dunno what I'd do without you Ron." said Harry smiling. "So you wanna go do something? I'm pretty bored."

"Yeah anything, you name it."

***

The boys decided to play some wizard's chess, so made their way downstairs. They sat under the stars, dimly lit by a few burning torches, playing into the night. Ron's anxieties ad problems left him. Times like now, when he was just having fun with Harry were the most precious times to him. Harry too had lost his fears. The scare from the earlier nightmare had gone, now he was glad just to be having a laugh.

"Ron, do you think we could invite Hermione to stay?" asked Harry, somewhat nervously, while he slyly moved a rook in a position that made Ron's queen vulnerable. "I don't mean to be rude if that's how it comes out, sorry."

"Nah, it's ok. You're like another member of this family" Harry smiled. "Anyways, why?" Ron tried to look as though nothing important was said, but inside he was unsettled and he had completely lost his concentration. "Do you fancy her? What about Cho?" The contentment of the past couple of hours was lost to Ron.

"No, not really. God Ron is that all you think about?! Look, she's one of the 3 most important people in the world to me. I…. I just want us to be together. I feel some dark times coming, what with Voldemort rising and the Death Eaters growing stronger. I want us to have all the fun we still can."

'Dark times are coming? I'm already there. If only you knew.' "Yeah, I think it'd be ok. I'll see what mum says. We should have some space for here, she could share with Ginny; her room is massive." Ron's voice sounded almost like he was pained, his voice wasn't totally clear, as though he had something else on his mind. He did. Ron had always thought Harry had something Hermione, but he was never really sure and nothing he could do. Harry's recovery and happiness were more important than him, he couldn't get in their way. He'd just have to accept it, accept them. Besides, Ron was beginning to get used to the shadows. At least he could still be Harry's friend.

"Shame I couldn't see Sirius too, but he's off doing something for Dumbledore." Harry added a few minutes later.

Ron won the game, despite losing his queen early in the game. Still they played, Ron teasing Harry by letting him think he was going to win until all of a sudden Ron would laugh "Checkmate!".

***

Half an hour later the boys were bored of wizard's chess. Ron decided to get his telescope out. He'd spent many nights out here, alone. Gazing out into eternity, admiring the power and magnitude of the universe. He thought he'd understood now why Centaurs were so mysterious and poetic, looking into the beauty of the heavens was enough to make anyone mystifying. He could stare up for hours, the gentle rustle of the trees mixed with the slow motion of the stars above set the perfect scene for him spend time to reflect on all that he felt. There were parts of him that Ron had wanted to share with someone, saving these things for a person he trusted absolutely, without hesitation. Someone he loved. This could only be Harry. His diary, the poetry he'd started to write, even the scars on his arms. All these parts of him were saved for that someone who would save him, who would make him want to live. But the time was not right, if it ever would be, to share these things. Still, he could share his love for the planets, moon and stars.

"You know Harry, I really do love it out here. It's beautiful. It makes me realise how insignificant we all are, in the grand scheme of things. Not only that, but everything. I can't explain the emotion." Harry watched Ron as he spoke. The moon's gentle glow softened Ron's features. He hadn't really grown stocky as expected, Harry actually thought Ron looked almost frail. He was quite thin, and the happiness once so apparent in his eyes seemed to have disappeared. Harry was utterly captivated by Ron speaking. The way his eyes shone as he gazed up at the sky, the moonlight giving them a sparkle, the enthusiasm in which he described the sight above. Harry's stomach almost fluttered, Ron looked absolutely beautiful at times like this.

Harry had never really taken the time to gaze at the stars. Well, Professor Trelawney's lessons were just a complete joke and Professor Sinistra's were far from interesting. Yet when Ron was so poetically ('When did Ron become poetic?') describing what they were seeing, how could he not be interested? Ron made the harsh, barren surface of the moon have a texture he could almost feel. It was as though he could almost taste the dust. Harry stayed entranced by Ron, all the things he was able to see, the way they were described. Harry was just speechless.

It wasn't until he started yawning and his eyelids began to close, that Ron realised how tired he was. After his long sleep earlier in the afternoon, Harry wasn't particularly tired and so he continued to stare into space through Ron's telescope. It was far more powerful than the one he'd had to buy before the first year. Ron had stopped talking so that they could admire the stars with only their soft breathes and the calming sound of the night breeze making any noise as it blew through the trees. They were far enough from The Burrow not to hear any commotion coming from the rest of the family. The near silence was soothing for both of them. Ron drifted peacefully to sleep, looking not at the sky, but watching the graceful object of his affection and desires. The elegant form that was his best friend. The person who understood him better than any other, who would stand by him no matter what, 'but who couldn't possibly return my love'.

"You know, I never realised how breathtaking the night sky was. I suppose I never really took the time to…" Harry turned to Ron lying asleep on his side. 'I never realised how late it was. He looks at peace. I wonder what's going on in that mind of his.' Harry took Ron's telescope into the house and left it in the kitchen before returning for Ron. He tenderly gathered Ron's delicate body in his arms and made his way up to Ron's room. He quietly placed Ron on his bed, and then sat down on his own. He was unsure whether or not he should risk waking him in order to remove his clothes. Ron seemed to be sleeping so serenely, 'it would be such a shame to wake him'. In the end reason won out, so he decided to take Ron's trousers and shirt off so that he wouldn't be uncomfortable later. Silently he made his way over to Ron's bed, and as subtly as he could he began to unbutton Ron's shirt. Just as he was about to pull his arms through, Ron's eyes shot open.

"Harry? What happened?" Ron sounded startled, and his voice seemed to have a trace of fear lined in there too.

"Ssh, it's ok. You just fell asleep outside. I thought I'd bring you up and put you in bed. You seemed really, I dunno, tranquil and I didn't want to wake you." Harry's voice was soothing, but seemed a bit apologetic at the same time.

"Thanks man. It's ok, I can change myself now I'm awake." Ron feigned a smile as he moved from Harry's grasp. 'I hope he didn't see my arms, I couldn't, he couldn't, he shouldn't have to deal with that. Not now. Not ever. I want he touch back. He looks so magnificent in this light. I think I'm going to cry, I need to go.' He stood up from his bed. "I'm going to have a shower and brush my teeth." His voice quivered slightly. "I'll be back in fifteen."

"Sure thing."

Ron grabbed his pyjamas and headed out of the moonlit room. The magical candles hadn't bee lit yet, so the room was fairly dark. Harry made his way over to the window. Looking out over the countryside he couldn't help but a feel a bit isolated, alone. At quiet times like this he would often think, still, of his parents. How things would be if they were here, what he would be like. 'I just feel, well, lost. No one knows how this feels, Ron tries but he couldn't understand my loneliness.' Harry always felt low when he was alone. A solitary tear streamed down his face as he thought of everything that he never had. Love, caring and all those precious things he longed for. Hermione would be here soon and they could all be together, and for now he had Ron. His spirits rose a little, as he realised how lucky he was to at least have these friends who loved him, and he loved. Sometimes it becomes too difficult to be "The Boy Who Lived", but with the support of the few people in his life he could survive, maybe even be happy one day, truly happy. He walked over to Ron's desk and lit a magical candle with his wand. Ron's room became illuminated. The room had been changed a lot since Harry was last there. The walls had been newly painted ('how do wizards paint?') and the Chudley Cannons' posters had been removed. The whole room had a different feel, it seemed more grown up, and introspective Harry thought. There was a painting of a sunset, but otherwise the walls were bare. In a way the room seemed more impersonal than it used to, giving away little as to Ron's personality. 'Now I know I've missed something. Ron's definitely changed; I mean I noticed stuff last year. Small things. Like he turned a little quieter, but this is different. He's become poetic, this change to his room, and I've certainly seen something in his eyes. What set this all off?' Of course Harry had no real idea of Ron's feelings for him, and hadn't realised the shock Ron had got from the Triwizard Cup final. That fear of nearly losing Harry had sent Ron over the edge. 'I never realised that there are parts of Ron I don't know.' Looking over the desk, Harry saw a beautiful, old black leather bound book with the initials RW in gold on the bottom right hand corner. Gently running his hand over the cover, Harry felt a rush of power as though the book contained powerful magics. Initially this shocked him, especially after the last time he encountered a magical book he nearly ended up being killed by a giant snake. This magic was different though; this felt more like an emotion. The soft leather seemed to communicate to Harry. It was a wondrous feeling. He moved his hand over to open the book. Just then Ron walked through the door, still drying his hair.

"Harry?" Harry spun around, his eyes locking on Ron's. Ron looked slightly panicky, the only give away being the way his eyes were fully open, and the way Ron was nibbling on his bottom lip.

"What's this? A school book or something?" It was patently obvious that Ron was hiding something now. Harry seemed to have a way of telling whether or not Ron was hiding something.

"No. Nothing" Ron said a little confidently "it's just something I'm working on." He slid over to the book and took it before Harry could open it. "You can use the bathroom now, if you want. No one else wants to now. I left a towel in there for you." Ron continued as though nothing had happened.

"Ok then, see you soon." Harry decided that if Ron wasn't ready to talk then he wasn't going to push him. That would probably just get him annoyed, knowing Ron.

As soon as Harry had left the room, Ron grabbed his wand. He muttered a locking charm, sealing his diary so that only he could open it. 'One day I'll share this with him. When he's ready. When I'm ready. He placed the book under his pillow and lay on his bed, staring into space. Thoughts, worries, fear everything enveloped him. His mind was in pain, thinking so much all at one, none of which was coherent. Slowly he drifted away, to a night full of nightmares as usual.

***

'I wish I knew what was wrong with him. He's always, well almost always, been there for me. Why won't he let me help?' Harry undressed and turned on the water. Slowly he immersed himself in the steaming water. The sound of the water pounding on his body was soothing, relaxing and calming him down. He was thinking about how long it had been since he'd felt this good. It had been an amazing night with Ron. He had learnt so much, not only about the universe but also about his best friend. Things he'd never realised before and it felt good to finally truly see part of Ron that he hid from the world. Since the Cup final Harry ad rarely felt even the glimmer of happiness and had been plagued with nightmares even when he was awake, but tonight the thoughts hadn't even entered his mind. For the first time he had realised Cedric's death wasn't his fault and that he could at last get on with his life. All thanks to Ron.

***

Having dried himself and put on his pyjamas, Harry made his way into Ron's room. Ron appeared to be lying down looking out of the window.

"Thank you Ron. Tonight was amazing; I think I can finally get on with my life. I think the time has come like you said it would." Silence filled the room.

"Ron? Ron?" Harry made his way over to Ron's bed, only to find him asleep. 'Thank you.' Harry tenderly pulled Ron's quilt over his sleeping form. He made his way over to his own bed and lay down, snuggling into the soft duvet. Gazing at the stars, Harry too soon succumbed to sleep, floating into his calmest night yet (which isn't really saying much, but still at least things were getting better. Weren't they?).

*So what did you think? Any comments or anything, please review.


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